proceed with caution

hahahahahahaha

HOW TO: GO ROCK CLIMBING
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to_200/230_how_to.html

oh egads, my tummy hurts from laughing so hard. make it stop! hehehe ow ow ow OW! every single sentence in that article is quotable. oh god, men, beware of MANLY magazines/websites with "how to" guides. i love that there's a "note" included that says: "... and keep in mind that this article is simply a theoretical approach to the sport." ahhh, theory.

my favorites --

"As far as sports go, you can't get much more extreme than rock climbing. It's you against the mountain and there's no safety net aside from some ropes and a harness." umm duh. but ropes + harness = pretty safe.

"Whether you want to impress a girl, find a new hobby, or plan on someday climbing Mount Everest, it's a very intense sport that requires practice, drive and preparation. This article should not be considered a substitute for a full-day class with a reputable instructor, but it's the perfect place for you to be introduced to rock climbing."

"A month before going climbing, proceed with cardiovascular fitness by swimming, biking or running. You need to build up your stamina, as hiking is a large part of rock climbing. Your legs and arms must be strong enough to lift your own weight and carry you to the top of the mountain. Before getting started, basic weight training is mandatory..."

"(Here's a little-known fact: you can strengthen your hand muscles by placing your hand in the middle of a piece of newspaper -- which is laid out on a tabletop -- and crumpling it into as small a ball as possible, using only your fingers.)" HAHAHAHAHA, my training's totally wrong.. off to crumple newspaper!

"Bouldering: This method consists of climbing small boulders without any equipment. Basically, it's like hiking with some obstacles thrown in." umm.. "hiking with some obstacles thrown in"?? not quite.

"Once you've climbed to the top, you're really only halfway there. You can either take a trail and walk back down, or rappel down. For many climbers, rappelling, although dangerous, is the most interesting aspect of rock climbing." umm... i can guarantee that the best part is making it up the rock.. yep.

"Rock climbing is incredibly dangerous. You need to be tremendously physically fit in order to stay alive -- blunt, but true." i'm alive; thus i must be tremendously physically fit. hahaha, i wonder if the author of this article has EVER climbed in his lifetime. sigh.

"From there, it's only a matter of time before you can be like Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger."

oh sylvester, my idol.