ode to willie's cell phone, aka "T.P.O.S."

oh cell phone,
you are willie's
and you are crappy.
you do not ring;
you do not answer.
you do not call,
and i cannot answer.
you make voices raspy,
and i am raspy too --
from yelling...
yelling into you.

you have no power;
you have no reception;
you really suck.
you should be a hockey puck.

frustration,
annoyance,
anger!
willie is your sole defender.

you have enemies,
of whom i am one.
i will shoot you,
set you on fire,
hammer and kick,
i smush you with a tire.

oh cell phone,
no one likes you.
boo, moo, and pooh.
you have reached your final hour --
good night,
beware,
good luck.