epoh

i know, i'm supposed to be asleep. but...

for the past few years, every month of may has garnered mixed emotions. usually, i was ecstatic that classes were ending, that the ginormous hills of brown snow were finally melting, that the river began to flow, that the days were long enough to let the sunlight linger. the trees outside my window also provided the first signs of spring, with tiny little green sprouts bursting forth, and once i saw that the rowers and sailors were brave enough for training on the charles, i knew that i could venture out and enjoy the month of may too. freedom soon! warmth and sunshine soon! the lights at fenway! freedom.. and 3 months with no limits on sleep.

but may was always stressful. final exams, term papers, research presentations, conclusion paragraphs... getting that last damn piece of the machine to function, figuring out the final bit of data analysis so that i could interpret a semester's worth of labwork, cramming 783 pages worth of material into my brain in one night. it honestly wasn't the most joyous time of year. i didn't exactly put on merry clothes and dance around the halls -- unless it was a result of too much caffeine intake.

and i always had to decide on summer jobs and determine the logistical details. where to go? how to get there? who, what, when.. why?

a whirlwind. a kaleidoscope. mixed emotions.

and as the hour-hand furiously spins around its axis, may is here again. may 2006. and somehow, i find myself, once again, in familiar territory, wedged in-between happiness, frustration, and utter confusion. i need to flick the "repeat" button to off.

.... so here's to hoping that next may -- may of 2007 -- will be calm and content, filled with splendiferous weekends and only the normal bag of feelings. here's to hoping...