the other day

the other day (what a convenient phrase), i was thinking about why i often stayed at the office so late during camp, even when all the kiddos and staff were long-gone, and i should've been home already.

sometimes, it was because i had 6 post-it's worth of random things to do, 4 tshirts to send, a list of names to investigate, and 24.9 supplies to purchase and organize. but other times, it was just because i could be alone. alone with my work, not bothered, not distracted (except on my own will), not observed. i could figure it all out in my own timeline without worrying about missing the 3:30pm call to go set-up check-out. sheesh.

so then, the other day, as i was thinking about this, i wondered why -- why, if i periodically craved this moment or hour of alone-time, is being alone sometimes scarier than not? is it?

i'd like to think that i used to be okay with it all the time. and actually, for a fact, i know that i was. but in college, i was surrounded by people i knew, people i liked, people that chatted and inspired and bothered and sung at all hours of everyday. it was a city, a community (of randoms), for sure. maybe it's worth it, now, in comparison, to call chattanooga/hixson an isolated spot. maybe it was just 246 valleybrook lane. annnnyway, so from boston to dc to the bay, it's been busy ever since. hasn't it? is that good?

i actually work well alone. maybe that's why i do fine as a satellite for galileo. i get shit done. and if i don't, i don't have anyone else to blame but myself. and that's rather satisfying -- and enlightening in some ways too. make it work, make it efficient, or deal with the ramifications of it flailing. i like flailing better than failing. it implies failing but in a more amusing way :)

so anyway, i did have a point. i will be mostly alone for the next 3-4 weeks, and i have extremely mixed feelings about it. isn't that weird? it is to me.

and it also makes me to want to ditch this standardized world that i've become accustomed to (which is, admittedly, quite glorious and making me "soft", as baz luhrmann said) and go travel elsewhere by myself. unfamiliarly.

again, kinda weird.

now that the bulk majority of the summer has ended, i have more time to think. that is not always the best thing.