internet-holic

last night was sad.

i got home from climbing, only to discover that our internet connection wasn't working. no wireless, no wired, nothing.

and suddenly i realized -- steph cannot function without internet.

i needed to:
check my email
look at the weather forecast
check gtalk and aim
read the news
find directions
check my bank account

but i couldn't do any of it! sheesh, technology has me crippled.

MCB, anyone?

i was so bored and sleepy at work today that i considered bringing my "molecular cell biology" textbook to work tomorrow so that i could read and entertain myself. yes indeed, desperation has reached new levels.

just for reference, molecular cell biology has umpteen pages, and it's dense and complicated, but generally well-written. but reading it for pleasure? when the fat lady sings. well dudes, the fat lady's prepping her microphone.

hmm.. which brings me back to the age-old question of "what the hell am i doing?"

thank you, boston.

thanksgiving in boston this year... flew in thursday evening and left early sunday morning. ohhhh, i love the beantown so much.

everything was so easily familiar, still kinda innate. i didn't even blink as i walked out of logan and to the T... and i noticed all the tiny differences that've occurred in the past 5 months. mass ave is slightly lower or the curb is slightly higher. the kiddos went crazy with the paint on the bridge while redoing the smoots, haha. there's a new 7-eleven in kenmore that's giving store 24 a run for its money. the funeral home is empty; burrito max is closed; the traffic lights still chirp really loudly and off-beat at mass ave and mem drive. the big apt/commercial bldg near the fenway theaters is really tall now. ..mmm, it's home. "home"...

maybe it's home 'cause i know it so well, maybe it's home because i still know the people there. either way, it was wonderful and good, but weird. i got to see my favorite people -- guys that i don't have to "chit-chat" with. instead, it's a warm hug and a genuine smile and a real, honest hello. that's so refreshing when more than half the conversations that i have nowadays seem to be forcefully polite. so yay. yay for real-ness, i guess.

i didn't get to visit everything or everybody... but 2.5 days isn't enough to suffice for 4 years of grand memories. i'll be back though, for marathon day and weekends in-between -- jet blue is flying dc-boston soon. :)

but home is dc too now. my bed and blankets.. my stuff. and my friends. i wonder when "home" will become less ambiguous...

he's petting the turkey.

mother, don't make me choose

in honor of wendy's pee-in-my-pants entry on the two types of scary asian girls, i've decided that there needs to be a follow-up post on disturbing asian boys.

now wait wait, before you all go berserk-o on me and call me a traitor to my own ethnicity, let me preface this with a note or two: i fully embrace my chinese-ness (or well, as much as i can, i suppose). i don't support the so-called "asian male syndrome" (despite a wealth of good examples) -- personally, i think it's an unverified myth 'cause i can prove otherwise. asian males can be quite cute and attractive and interesting. exempt from my broad generalizations (to follow) are my close asian male friends from home (honestly, any asians coming out of TN can't be generalized), the more normal kiddos from college (you know whether or not you fit into these categories: most of you don't, thank god), and zee hawaiians 'cause well.. they're just unique. there are plenty more "normal" asian males and brands, but these two types just stand out. okay, with that said, forward ho!

type 1:
gangsta. these asian boys -- typically korean or chinese, methinks -- are ghetto. or well, they try to be. tie-dyed hair that sits 5 inches above their head in towering and treacherous uber-gel'd spikes, baggy pants that sag on non-existent butts, bright white sneakers for break-dancing (which, admittedly, is pretty good sometimes), a swaggering walk and a prone-to-bust-out-rapping talk, versace and bling bling and enough cologne to infect france. it's like... vanilla ice, except... umm.. green tea ice? yeah. and these dudes travel in hoards too, bobbing up and down the sidewalk while munching on asian pastries. and they give both type 1 and type 2 asian girls the full look-over, to which most of the girls respond with a giggle and squeal. good lord oh god. my main problem with these guys is (uno) "yo baby" in an asian accent doesn't do much for me 'cause i don't understand them in the first place, and (dos) they're usually shorter than me.. which well, defeats their whole "check me out, i'm cool" factor 'cause i'm looking downwards. oooOOOOoooo!

type 2:
traditional. these guys are an enigma -- they're often hard to pick out. they mix in with the normal-looking, normal-acting people; they find a place among the gangsta crowd; they're sometimes clumped in with the "wanna sing gospel songs with me?" group. but deep down, no matter what they look like on the outside -- preppy, rapper, nerdy, religious, red and glowing, or innocently adorable -- they harbor a deep dark secret: they're traditional. TRADITIONAL, adj: aiming to preserve the oft-backwards way of thinking, fashioned by parents and previous generations; expecting an obedient wife by age 23 or 24, two sons and a daughter by 30, dinner on the table at 6pm, monthly visits to the in-laws in taiwan. oh yes, they still exist -- i've come across a few, and i usually run away screaming afterwards. "steph, why don't you wear pink and lace sweater vests more often?" "steph, why don't you know what age you wanna be married by?" "steph, you don't bow to your dad?" "wait, you want to work in the future? even with a husband?" the trads, they're real.

oh baby.

it's a monster.. really.

this logo strikes deep deep fear in my heart. i shudder and cower and crouch in the corners of the room, avoiding it with all my might. it symbolizes THE JOB SEARCH. if i could somehow add music to that capitalized phrase, i would... and it'd be the horror tunes that accompany alfred hitchcock movies. the agonizing screams and torturous yelps and resonating thunderclaps, the deep haunting drums and low, creepy notes. eep, i hate that logo.

i have a couple more months.

iraq: enough, please?

influential house democrat wants immediate iraq withdrawal (nytimes)
influential house democrat wants immediate iraq withdrawal (ap)

dick cheney, vice president. no military service during vietnam. retorting to critics of the war on Wed. night:

"The president and I cannot prevent certain politicians from losing their memory, or their backbone, but we're not going to sit by and let them rewrite history."
democratic criticism is "one of the most dishonest and reprehensible charges ever aired in this city."

representative john murtha, D-Pa: leading democrat on defense subcommittee of house appropriations committee, conservative and bipartisan who voted FOR iraq in 2002, marine corps veteran of vietnam war with a bronze star and two purple hearts:

"It is time for a change in direction. Our military is suffering, the future of our country is at risk. We cannot continue on the present course. It is evident that continued military action in Iraq is not in the best interests of the United States of America, the Iraqi people or the Persian Gulf region."
"I like guys who've never been there that criticize us who've been there. I like that. I like guys who got five deferments and never been there and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done."
"The war in Iraq is not going as advertised. It is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion."

is anyone listening yet?

number search!

woohoo! :) i love it... you might have to click on it to see it clearer. :o)

stamped and mailed

dear society,

you're so confusing. at 22.42, i have this innate feeling that i'm never gonna figure you out. for a while there, as a naive kiddo sheltered in a girls school that promoted power and strength (while somehow still managing to bind us to ancient patriarchal traditions), i thought that it was pretty clear. ummm wrong. in fact, it's not clear at all.

this whole thing about girl power? nada. nono, i'm not saying that women aren't unable (whoa, quadruple negative there = "yes, i think that woman are able") to achieve great things and stand atop the mountain, having blasted through the so-called glass ceiling and conquered everest in the process. but at the same time, as i sit here mundanely near capitol hill, i'm surrounded by old white dudes whose family lineages probably all link up somewhere in past history. there's one black senator; there are a handful of female senators and reps. lame. and the secretary of state is a complete moron: so much for showing what great minds and morals women have. it's about proving yourself -- not about proving your "womanhood", ugh.

so here's the other thing: i like cooking! i don't mind cleaning... (unless there's poop and/or large bugs involved). and as much as you'd like to deny it, oh society, looks and appearances play a role like no other. kiddos would be grand fun, and i've realized that i don't have a ginormous desire to climb the corporate ladder in an ugly pantsuit and even-more-boring black heels in order to boss some lowly dude around. i'd rather work with animals or more REAL issues, or the environment, or art, or bio, or whatever really, and NOT be controlled by the salary that i'm offered. gah, society, you smell. i'm gonna go eat my lunch.

unsincerely,
steph

wrong.

gay-fraud.. i mean.. gay-rod.. whoops, a-rod (alex rodriguez) won the AL MVP award. lame. ew ew ew ew ew. please boost his ego more, please.

thank god for veteran's day

summersville lake and new river gorge in west virginia this past long weekend for climbing and camping. such gorgeousness. if it hadn't been 28 degrees the first night, it would've been perfect. ha.

things i've discovered:
- the one problem with climbing + photography is that you can never take pictures of yourself while climbing. oh well. that's not me, that's someone else (mucho times better) on a freakin' hard route. but a damn neato picture. :)
- west virginia is awesome for outdoors stuff: whitewater rafting (during the summertime), climbing (uber-great crags), hiking, camping, deep water soloing...
- but besides outdoors stuff, west virginia has no urban (or even suburban) civilization. hmm, i'd still go for maine, colorado, or california.
- i like stars.
- campgrounds with bathroom facilities are amazing! who knew?
- fire is cool.
- my knees and arms and hands and legs are bruised and scratched. i've been abused.
- when i grow up, i wouldn't mind having a lake house.. and a beach house.. and a mountain house. mmm, i better start making some serious money.
- the climbers are an interesting bunch of people. really intriguing.

i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing.

remedial ethics: A? C-? F!

remedial ethics, op-ed, christopher buckley, 11/10/05, nytimes

hahahaha. :)

"Bush Orders Staff to Attend Ethics Briefings; White House Counsel to Give 'Refresher' Course"
- The Washington Post, Nov. 5

GOOD morning, everyone."

"Good morning, Mr. Bonhoeffer."

"I hope everyone had an ethical weekend. I thought we'd start this morning with a situational exercise. Karl, suppose a reporter called you and said, 'I will write a very favorable article for my paper and make you look really good if you will tell me a super-duper classified national secret.' What would the correct thing to do be?"

"Tell him, 'Let me get back to you on that?'"

(Laughter)

"All right, settle down, everyone. This is no laughing matter. Anyone?"

"I would tell the reporter, 'I could, but that would be wrong.'"

"Thank you, Nicole. Technically fine, but can you tell us who in the White House first said that?"

"Bill Clinton?"

"I don't think he ever said that."

"Eleanor Roosevelt?"

"No. Anyone?"

"Spiro Agnew?"

"You're getting warmer. Karl, please put away your Blackberry. Can you tell us?"

"Richard M. Nixon, 37th president of the United States. Three-hundred-and-one electoral votes to Humphrey's 191."

"Very good. And what happened to Mr. Nixon?"

"He retired, wrote influential books and became a senior statesman."

"No, Karl, he resigned. Or didn't you have television and newspapers in Salt Lake City?"

"I went to the Nixon Library on a field trip once. They didn't say anything about any stupid resignation."

"Let's move on. Now suppose - yes, Mr. Cheney?"

"I have to go. I have a meeting."

"Please sit down. This is important."

"So's my meeting."

"Perhaps you'd like to share with us what it's about?"

"Torture."

"Thank you. I was planning to talk about that tomorrow, but since you've brought it up, let's talk about it now. Would you give us all an example of when you feel it is ethical to torture someone?"

"If that someone was about to launch an attack on the United States. Or making me late for a meeting. I think that under those clearly defined circumstances, tearing out their fingernails or immersing them in boiling oil would be, yes, a reasonable policy."

"I'm glad you brought up the subject of oil. Let's suppose there was an energy-related company. And a high government official, say, used to work for it. Now let's say that his country - call it Country A - went to war against Country B. And the energy-related company then got a very lucrative contract to rebuild Country B. Now let's say that the high government official agitated - indeed, pushed - his government to invade Country B in the first place. Do you see any potential conflict there?"

"None at all."

"Anyone? Yes, Harriet?"

"The vice president is the second most brilliant person I have ever met, and if he says it's O.K. to pull out people's -"

"Harriet, we're not discussing whether someone is smart."

"Sorry. I withdraw."

"I'm out of here."

"Mr. Vice President, class is not over until I - what is it, Karl? I asked you to put away your Blackberry."

"It's Tim Russert. What if he's calling to reveal the name of another undercover C.I.A. operative?"

"Then you put your hands over your ears and say loudly, 'Not listening! - La la la la la la la!' This is what Aristotle advises in Book VI of the Nicomachean Ethics. Why don't we end there for today? Don't forget the assigned reading. And a few of you still owe me papers!"

fooooood

i love food. all types of it -- dairy, fruit, carbs, protein, sugars. chinese, american, italian, indian, thai, vietnamese, japanese, greek, french, korean, fusion, deli, cafe, soup, salad, meat, veges. food is awesome. drool.




recently, without the burden of homework and ugly deadlines, i've started to experiment a little more with cooking... and it's so much fun.. and so yummy. and ooooh, after throwing myself into pain au chocolat and baguettes and CHEESE and fresh veges in paris, oh more drool.

this entry really has no point. i just love food. :O)

bird flu

why sadness?

sometimes, i get on a fast-track, rapid, delirious reading binge. i'm somewhat of an avid book-buyer (no thanks to a certain influence either, ahem), and so there's always books on my bookshelf that i haven't read yet. but the binges come and go.. dependent upon season and energy and mood and activities.

anyway, last night, i finally finished naked by david sedaris. yes, it's actually called naked. no, steph has not suddenly gained an interest in literary porn. naked's actually a memoir of sorts, by david sedaris -- a hilarious author who once did NPR stuff, i think. so anywho, it's a good book -- and it's got bust-out-laughing parts. oh, and "naked" actually refers to a part where he goes on a nudist vacation. :)

i like memoirs.. i guess it makes me realize that my family isn't so dysfunctional after all.. at least in comparison to others. but as good and funny and delightful or light-hearted as they are, there's always some deeper, resonating undertone.. and it's sad. i don't understand why though -- why must we add such a sad note to all the stories and fables?? life isn't so sad.... is it?!

sedaris writes --

"It was as though I'd received the true version of the X-ray specs I'd ordered as a child. The glasses were advertised in the back pages of comic books and promised the ability to see through clothing. I'd counted the days until they arrived and was clinically disappointed to discover that I'd been cheated. These were black plastic frames supporting cardboard lenses. The eyeballs were rendered to appear bloodshot, and the pupils were tiny peepholes backed by plain red acetate. The glasses, when worn, gave me the look of someone both enthused and exhausted by what he saw. They suggested the manic weariness inherent in their promise, capturing the moment when the sheen wears off and your newfound gift becomes something more closely resembling a burden."

insightful and poetic, but not entirely uplifting...

please repeat kindergarten

bush aides sent to ethics classes

oh come on. ethics classes? is it not pitiful that these top legislative, government officials need reminders and refresher courses on ethics and security? like "oh whoops, guess that slipped my mind." huh.

funny thing is.. bush isn't attending them himself. guess he's got his ethics down. HA.

in other news, thanks to utter boredom at the office, i've come to notice some interesting things:
1. i have slightly crooked pinky toes on both feet.
2. there's a framed picture of van gogh's "starry night" on a wall in our office... it is SO random.
3. news needs to be updated faster.
4. my right contact lens tends to dry out faster than my left.
5. i've perfected the "sit straight, look like you're reading" position of dozing. damn, i'm good -- i worked on that all throughout college!
6. i sit all day long = my butt is flattening.

i'm productive, oh yes.

please learn how to use a stapler

there's a girl across the hall (who usually spends 2 hours each day talking on the phone in russian, but that's another story) who's been stapling papers for the past 30 minutes. and i think i'm this close to going over there, smacking her upside the head, and throwing the stapler out the window.

stapling papers is usually not a problem. nowadays, staplers are good and cooperative. you pick it up, slide the papers between, and gently press the stapler together. and voila, a nice smooth staple now holds the papers. normal:
but i guess this girl has never learned how to use a stapler. she smacks the poor thing so freakin' hard, and the desk resonates the impact. and she does this every 20 seconds. wham! wham! wham! wham! WHAM WHAM WHAM. abnormal:
so for future reference, unless you feel like annoying the shit out of your co-workers, please learn how to staple quietly. either that, or lock yourself in the bathroom and do it. thanks very much.

it's official

i'm a virginia resident now.

they took away my california plates and my tennessee driver's license (sniffle!), and now, everything's monotonously virginian. cool, but sigh. i kinda liked being some odd conglomeration of states and IDs.

somehow, i managed to avoid getting a massachusetts license and an illinois license.. but alas, i succumbed. due to the law. i'm a virginian.

on a side note, the dmv is worthless. in fact, it totally sucks balls. i spent way too much time there -- even during the supposedly "better" hours. and man, registration, title, and license are expensive! and my taxes are paying for these government employees.. argh.

homogeneity

diversity gets benched. washington post, 11/1/05. ruth marcus.

Well, that certainly mixes things up. The first Supreme Court vacancy went to a white Catholic judge who went to Harvard College and Harvard Law School. The second, chances are, will be filled by a white Catholic judge who went to college at Princeton and law school at Yale.

At this rate, a WASP male from Stanford is going to look like a diversity pick.

Now, I have nothing against white guys, Catholics, judges or Ivy Leaguers -- or Stanford WASPs for that matter. And I thought the president made a mistake in nominating Harriet Miers to take the place of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. The Miers pick represented the elevation of gender over quality; instead of adding to the sense that it is normal and appropriate to have women on the high court, the choice made it look as if presidents have to make sacrifices to scrounge up female nominees. Like almost every woman I know, of every ideological stripe, I was relieved when she withdrew.

But I also find it disturbing that the drive for diversity has been so quickly, so blithely abandoned: Been there, tried that, now we can pick who we REALLY want. Diversity at the expense of quality is no virtue, but quality without diversity is nonetheless a vice.

To test this notion, just imagine an all-male, all-white Supreme Court. No president looking at a high court vacancy would consider that acceptable in this day and age, nor should he -- or she. A court with a lone female justice -- or, for that matter, a lone African American justice, or no Hispanic justice at all -- isn't all that much better.

Justice Antonin Scalia, in an interview last month with CNBC, dismissed the suggestion that having people of different races, religions and genders on the court has any effect on the outcome. "As far as the product of the court is concerned, it makes no difference at all," Scalia said. "I don't think there's . . . a female legal answer to a question and a male legal answer to the same question. That's just silly."

Perhaps when it's phrased that way, but no one cries silly when it's suggested that having people on the court from different life experiences -- politicians, perhaps, or private law practice -- could add a valuable perspective to those who have spent most of their career on the bench.

Why, to take an example that Samuel Alito confronted as an appeals court judge, wouldn't a female judge bring a potentially different perspective to the question of whether married women can be required to notify their husbands before obtaining an abortion? You don't have to be a woman to imagine the harm that could ensue from mandating such marital communications by a reluctant spouse. But it might help; see, e.g., the difference between Alito's clinical dissent on the issue and the Supreme Court plurality that included O'Connor.

And even Scalia acknowledges, albeit somewhat grudgingly, the symbolic importance of diversity. "I suppose, from the standpoint of . . . having the whole country feel that the court is an institution that, in fact, represents the whole country, I think there's something to be said for having people of different backgrounds on it," he said.

I was on my way to law school when O'Connor was nominated in 1981, and the event seemed at once ridiculously tardy and deeply significant. By that time, women were no rarity in law schools, and it never occurred to me that my gender would present any handicap in either law or journalism. But it was also impossible not to notice that women were far less likely to speak up in class than men, and that it wasn't until the final semester of my final year that I had a female professor. O'Connor's addition to the high court signified both that change had come and that more was on the way.

Twelve years and a different career path later, on a sun-drenched June afternoon, I stood in the Rose Garden as President Bill Clinton announced his selection of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Reporters aren't supposed to have feelings -- certainly not White House reporters for The Post -- but it was hard not to when Ginsburg, stepping to the microphone, said Clinton's choice of her to be the second female justice "contributes to the end of the days when women, at least half the talent pool in our society, appear in high places only as one-at-a-time performers."

I suspect that this, in the end, is what women in the workplace want -- to be not solo representatives of their gender but simply part of the mix. Justice Ginsburg, unfortunately, may have been premature in proclaiming that that day had come.

red sox trick-or-treat

it was a trick, not a treat.

yesterday, on halloween, general manager theo epstein, uber-young dude in charge of trades and moola for the players, declined a 3-year contract to continue with the red sox. sniffle. something about disagreements between theo and the CEO. bureaucracy bullshit.

i'm sad -- the GM is leaving, the players are being switched and traded and freeeee, and suddenly, i'm quite worried about the red sox. c'mon team!